Here I am in Rio de Janeiro..
My Rio de Janeiro. My birth place. My Brazilian womb.
This is the place I opened my eyes for the first time in this world.
This is the air I first took breath.
And here I am to facilitate FreeFall 1. The first FreeFall class in Brazil, ever.
I am ecstatic. I am trembling.
I am so proud to be a Brazilian but now, some doubts… Am I still a Brazilian?
I feel trapped in this American language and enculturation
– the heaviness of both nationalities: American or Brazilian?
I feel the weight of all the programming in my life – childhood, teens, adulthood.
I fear, maybe, I would not be able to connect with students from my heart… this time.
My little girl remembered all the times her sexuality/sensuality was denied and violated.
I started to questioning: “Why am I doing this?”
Well, that’s FreeFall being. FreeFall happens. Whether you would like it or not.
Because that’s the magic of the heart’s light – it shines.
That’s the force of our sex – it heats.
And then, I started to receive little texts in my phone:
“I feel fried”.
“I have diarrhea!”
“I am crying, do not know why”
“I am not sure that’s for me”
Yes, our defensive mindset is ancient…
It can come in a whole package of an ancient survival album – with self-justification prizes and revenges coupons. It can come with sentiments of self-pity and victimization bonus.
It can come highlighting our stories – the ones we defend so fiercely and protect so dearly.
And yes, it can feel heavy – and tight and constricted – like a prison.
Or it can feel loose and raw – like an open wound. Or both. At the same time.
The electricity inside, the light – vibrates – and shakes our walls, our masks, our truths.
Friday night starts. Feeling the group. Feeling myself. We become one.
It is one fear. It is one light. It is one breath.
And then Grace happens. In every moment.
It flows through our spine and lightens up our eyes.
It shakes our pelvis and our worlds and we hold each other.
In every ritual we practice our sensuality. In every ritual we resonate in sexuality.
In every ritual we re-discover, we re-align, we re-new – together.
And we love… Even when we are not paying attention, we love.
We do not only talk about love – we practice!
We do not only talk about sexuality – we are!
And each ritual we re-discover that love is a necessity to all of us. American or Brazilian.
We are biologically, cognitively, physically and spiritually made to love and to be loved.
We are wired to love ourselves and to be loved by our own self.
And when these needs are not met, we fry and harden from inside.
We fall apart, we suffer. We hurt and we get hurt. We are sick.
Of course there are other causes for dis-ease and suffering
But the lack of (self) love always lead to dis-ease.
On the HeartMath book, Heart Intelligence, the authors note:
“… love is an advanced mode of intelligent living. People are just scratching the surface of awareness regarding the focused power of love and its capacity to create a heart-based environment; one where individuals can transcend fear and what it brings – while manifesting their undiscovered gifts and fulfillment.”
When we open for the unlimited heart’s intelligence, instead of holding to our small ego stories, we are allowing all that process to unfold.
FreeFall invites us to unwrap our gifts.
FreeFall invite us to transcend into our divine essence;
to re-sync of all systems in the body and body-mind complex;
to a fuller experience of sexuality/sensuality.
Perhaps FreeFall it is just a practice to remember that we do not have a choice.
We do not have other choice except to stay in our heart, and pelvis and mouth and genitals.
We are resonance, synchronicity and frequency: brains, chakras, meridians, nadis, cells, quarks, all.
Today is another day. Each one of us is going back home. The FreeFall energy is arriving in all corners in Brazil, and rippling into the world. Can you feel it?
I walk at the beach – the invitation of practicing to love myself is becoming again, an on-going practice. As my yoga practice.
Sometimes I feel greater leaps of insight and joy; other times it is a hard step-by-step, slow and steady effort. Sometimes it is delightful, sometimes it hurts and it is not fun –
But I am doing anyway.
Just. because. I. can.
And I will be practicing loving, not because I need to be a good girl or need a reason to be nice and to be loved. There is no goal or no reason.
I will practice love just because I love myself now, as I never loved myself before.
Thank you John and Esther …
Words will never be enough… to thank you for the magic you bring to the world.
Thank you my dear FF students
You are the most beautiful mirrors I see myself reflected on.